The Dreams are still the worst....

And so I had a dream about someone I'm not supposed to dream about. Yes...another woman from my distant past. But...it was so weird. I could see her so clearly.....her face..her hair......her voice was exactly what it was in real life. The dream itself was weird though. It didn't involve sex (surprise surprise) per se. But for some reason, we were getting into my car...my son was in the backseat (what is THAT about)...and her and I agreed to go somewhere..it might have been to run errands...and then drop her off. (In my dream she was also married with kids)......For some reason 2 guys come up to me who know here. It's a father and son (and they are Jewish...I don't know that that makes a difference at all)..and they ask me for a ride. They say they live on the North Shore. She says.."that's ok....come on in the car". Ummm....ok, you know I'm like "What the hell"...the North Shore wasn't even anywhere near where her and I were going to go. They get in the car, for some reason my son is in the front seat...I arrange to have him sitting in the back seat..he is listening to jazz on his Ipod (yes...I should be slapped, my 8 year old son has one of my old ipods).....and these 2 guys get in the back seat. The girl knows I'm steamed....she reaches over into my lap and starts to caress me through my pants.....and I look over..and her smile...damn.....it just makes me so relaxed...and it kind of occurs to me that by dropping these guys off her and I get to spend more time together........and then I wake up.

It's really about the feeling. Why can't I FEEL that way with my wife....I think sometimes we search for that magic.....that.....THING...that makes us just FEEl..just a huge smile on our face....that warm feeling in your chest...that ultimate relaxation.

Anyway. The dreams are still the worst. But I don't hate them. Not any more. They still hurt sometimes. It's been a while since I dreamed about my Dad. But I miss him a lot too.