Testing

I thought I posted something, and I don't see it. I'm just testing to see if this gets printed.

Just thoughts

The song says:
I know you feel me....
I can taste it in your tears...


And I say..
Why do I find myself struggling in the realm of my own mind?
Why can't I control everything I feel inside until I find
My space
My peace
The resting place
Where I finally seek
Solace
And happiness
Whatever that may be
But for some people
All they see
Is the illusion that might really be the truth
Everything it looks like I have
Is nothing that I can share with you
So now what do I do?
Rant rave, cry and scream
In my lyrical frustration
Or just freeze up and go back to the ice I know so well
Until I experience
Sinsation.


Today I have been up early just wondering....about that dynamic of happiness. They say that happiness is where you find it, and I agree with that. I didn't understand that theory that money can't make you happy...until recently. And that is scary. I mean..wouldn't it be sooo easy if it could? No matter what we have it isn't enough. And trust me...I really don't have any money. But.....this new concept....that if things go a certain way..they wouldn't be better..just different. I mean, if I had say...10 million dollars...plus a few more stashed away somewhere. I would be driving a different car, live in a different house...have a different daily routine...but would I by happy? Not because of the money. I mean I wouldn't be able to make sure that nothing will ever harm my son, that he won't get sick, that he will never get beaten up by other kids, that his feelings will never be hurt..that he will be the best athlete, or the smartest kid, or happy with his life. I would not be able to protect my wife from sickness....from her own frustrations....from her hesitancy to trust me. And CLEARLY....after I got accustomed to whatever my lifestyle was at that point....I would be all wrapped up with trying to keep what I had....or make more. And is that happiness?
So then what is happiness? Where do we find it? I had a conversation once with "Prophet Theron" (Can you TAKE your government name out of your blog?..and NEVER use mine please :)...it's the journey. And I agree with that. It's the challenge, the excitement, of creating and idea...and seeing it through. Looking for a destination, and doing what it takes to get there. So does that mean that our lives are one big to do list? Which get really exciting when it's interrupted by.....life :). I really don't know.
I do know that for some ODD reason recently I have not been happy at all. And I have the new car, the house, the beautiful wife who is phenomenally understanding, the son who is in private school...the private practice I have always wanted. And why am I not happy? I think because in the recesses of my mind..I have let certain things go. Things which used to make me arrogant. Is that such a bad thing? Being afraid of losing it all...just one day losing the practice, the family, the house, the car...everything. Friendships and all.
How stupid is that? I don't know, but it's a reality. I think a lot of people share this. Anyway, it's my site and I can ramble if I want....would love any comments.......

I am...NoRib