Christmas Day 2005
Lost letters that were never sent
Lost emotions that were never spent
On the right person
At the right time
Past deeds and misgivings
Emotional strife which is all mine
Are all things which shouldn't occupy my mind
But look deep inside me and you still will find
Unconditional love
So.....it's Christmas. For some odd reason, I haven't been much in the Christmas mood this year. But then again, I'm usually not too much in the Christmas spirit. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one of these people who go into a depression around Christmas time. (I'm one of those people that go through it all winter LOL :) So I wonder about this path that I find myself on. Where I fight myself daily about the knowledge I accumlate along the way to being "enlightened" ...and not wanting to let things go that I am so used to.
Music....ahh....my passion. It seems like the majority of music is almost counter productive to what I want. Countless songs that just rehash over and over and over the past pain, pleasure, joy and fear I have experienced in my past. But music still my passion. As I write...I'm listening to the Mary J Blige song "Be Without You".....something new to add to my arsenal, to possibly remind me of the Christmas day I was sitting in front of my computer, typing on my blog that is so public and yet private. I mean I type and type...and who will ever read this? I mean....does it all really matter? In the Landmark Forum they call this the "looking good"......why is there this desire to have something you write that is supposed to be personal published? At least I can rant..making no sense to anyone except myself.....and it doesn't matter :).
I discovered something this week.....something that is almost scary. In the art of meditation...there is an idea called "being present". This is not only in just meditation, but several books I have read on the attempts to become "enlightened".....the idea that you can concentrate on the moment you are living in..not the past and not the future. The problem is that on a regular basis, we focus on the past, the problems we had, things we wish we could change, things we wish we could do over. And when we're not concentrating on that, we are thinking about the future. What appointments do we have, what are we planning on doing, what needs to be done, and how we are going to reverse things we have undone. It is very rare that we take the time out to be present......except....
When we are initially (and sometimes for long after the inital phase) in love.
THAT is what I consider power of me. THAT is what I consider that feeling that I have always wanted. When you are with that special person..nothing else exists except that moment. There is no past...there is no future..there is just the moments that you spend together....the words you share...the touch that is given and taken away...the kiss that seems to last forever.....the embrace which seems to bring you to your knees..making you emotionally shudder.....THAT is the power of now.
I never realized that was what it really is. And do you know when things change? When they say you destroy an element of trust? It is when you do something that makes the other person or both of you second guess everything. Are they telling you the truth? Have they been with someone else? Do they mean what they say? WIll they hurt you again?
That destroys that power of now....but....that feeling was so powerful and had such a huge release....that you will do many things some of us wouldn't care to admit to get it back. And yet it is within ourselves.
And so..what does this mean for me? I don't know....only time will tell. There are things that I want, that I will not write. There are eternities that I spend dwelling in my self created strife. What will next year bring? Who knows...I do know that...
I am about enjoy the rest of my Christmas :)
Passion which remains to be released
Affirmations which I so desperately seek
Are located right here
Within my own cocooon
I can eliminate any possibility of fear
There is only one thing that controls the world that I choose to live in
And sometimes it does lead to the ultimate sin
Again I point to...
Unconditional love
Lost emotions that were never spent
On the right person
At the right time
Past deeds and misgivings
Emotional strife which is all mine
Are all things which shouldn't occupy my mind
But look deep inside me and you still will find
Unconditional love
So.....it's Christmas. For some odd reason, I haven't been much in the Christmas mood this year. But then again, I'm usually not too much in the Christmas spirit. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one of these people who go into a depression around Christmas time. (I'm one of those people that go through it all winter LOL :) So I wonder about this path that I find myself on. Where I fight myself daily about the knowledge I accumlate along the way to being "enlightened" ...and not wanting to let things go that I am so used to.
Music....ahh....my passion. It seems like the majority of music is almost counter productive to what I want. Countless songs that just rehash over and over and over the past pain, pleasure, joy and fear I have experienced in my past. But music still my passion. As I write...I'm listening to the Mary J Blige song "Be Without You".....something new to add to my arsenal, to possibly remind me of the Christmas day I was sitting in front of my computer, typing on my blog that is so public and yet private. I mean I type and type...and who will ever read this? I mean....does it all really matter? In the Landmark Forum they call this the "looking good"......why is there this desire to have something you write that is supposed to be personal published? At least I can rant..making no sense to anyone except myself.....and it doesn't matter :).
I discovered something this week.....something that is almost scary. In the art of meditation...there is an idea called "being present". This is not only in just meditation, but several books I have read on the attempts to become "enlightened".....the idea that you can concentrate on the moment you are living in..not the past and not the future. The problem is that on a regular basis, we focus on the past, the problems we had, things we wish we could change, things we wish we could do over. And when we're not concentrating on that, we are thinking about the future. What appointments do we have, what are we planning on doing, what needs to be done, and how we are going to reverse things we have undone. It is very rare that we take the time out to be present......except....
When we are initially (and sometimes for long after the inital phase) in love.
THAT is what I consider power of me. THAT is what I consider that feeling that I have always wanted. When you are with that special person..nothing else exists except that moment. There is no past...there is no future..there is just the moments that you spend together....the words you share...the touch that is given and taken away...the kiss that seems to last forever.....the embrace which seems to bring you to your knees..making you emotionally shudder.....THAT is the power of now.
I never realized that was what it really is. And do you know when things change? When they say you destroy an element of trust? It is when you do something that makes the other person or both of you second guess everything. Are they telling you the truth? Have they been with someone else? Do they mean what they say? WIll they hurt you again?
That destroys that power of now....but....that feeling was so powerful and had such a huge release....that you will do many things some of us wouldn't care to admit to get it back. And yet it is within ourselves.
And so..what does this mean for me? I don't know....only time will tell. There are things that I want, that I will not write. There are eternities that I spend dwelling in my self created strife. What will next year bring? Who knows...I do know that...
I am about enjoy the rest of my Christmas :)
Passion which remains to be released
Affirmations which I so desperately seek
Are located right here
Within my own cocooon
I can eliminate any possibility of fear
There is only one thing that controls the world that I choose to live in
And sometimes it does lead to the ultimate sin
Again I point to...
Unconditional love
posted by NoRib at 8:26 AM
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