A rant

Deep breath...*In......Out....*

OK..It's been a long time since I just posted random thoughts....did a good..rant. I have so many things going through my mind, I wonder why it has been a continuous struggle for me to stay focused....the accentuate...the true power inside of me. Why do I feel the need to control time. The action of being late, is the desire to defy. there are so many things I am aware of..but internalizing them.....seems to be an incredibly hard thing to do. At what point do I have my true "ah ha" moment?

I had a conversation about a month ago..about the "journey" I really think my journey is to be..stronger....much much much stronger. And when i am stronger....I can shift thought to action to reality much quicker. The end result can be..phenomenal. I am at the point now where I have to synthesize all of the information that I have read..and PRACTICE on putting it into application. To be able to take each day..minute by minute..hour by hour. Having long term and short term goals are great....for me, will be mandatory...but the most important thing..is making each and every decision...count. From waking up in the morning, to deciding what to eat, to what I will or won't listen to on the way to work. Every single decision...needs to be one that...makes me feel...satisfied.

How many people out there bother to entertain the journey? How many are serious about taking it? I know that I feel a draw when I meet a fellow traveler...and it's not about being the "perfect" person..just...being better.....at least.....TRYING It's really all about trying....at least for me. No matter how many times I have to start over....I have to get up again....and keep going..keep going...

My thoughts keep drifting....

My thoughts keep drifting

And now I wonder why

I keep on sifting.....

Through the truths and the lies

I have allowed my past.....

To be where I laughed and cried

But yesterday is gone

Tomorrow hasn't come

I wonder should I stay

Or should I start to run

Away from the challenge

Of facing the now

Do I stare it in the face

Or remain with my head bowed

Ignoring things that are better left unsaid

There is a long standing hunger

That has remained unfed

There are very few times

When I don't know what to do

As at this moment, in this space

I decide to stick with the truth

Whatever that may be

And whatever it is not

I just want to see....

How I should unfurl this plot

Having taken the red pill

There is no going back

I am open, my heart can spill

But I will never retract

The decisions I make

Each and every day

I am wondering what this is

Why do I feel this way

My thoughts keep drifting

To the forefront of my mind

There are things I won't say

But clearly I'm not blind....

I don't know what to do

But I hope that I find....

Peace.