Saturday, January 28, 2006

The first story..Part 1

I had been dating my girlfriend for an entire year. I had been faithful for an entire year. And that was a record for me. My girlfriend lived in Philadelphia....I lived in New York, and we spent our first summer together with me going to Philadelphia a few weekends to visit her, and we were SO in love. So when we got back from our summer break, one would think that as a faithful boyfriend, I would have looked forward to doing nothing but spending some time with her as we hadn't seen each other for an extended period of time for 3 months.

But of course, life had other things in store. My girlfriend at the time was intent on pledging the sorority Delta Sigma Theta.....her roomate and her had big plans and big discussions. Maybe I was truly catching an attitude about their problem with wanting to be seen at the wrong parties or the wrong places because it was Labor Day weekend. Maybe I just really had that itch. Regardless of what the situation was, I found myself intent on walking alone trying to either get myself to Virginia Beach or find some of my boys to hang out with. As I left her dorm room and went across campus to see if one of my friends from Brooklyn who lived what was officially off campus, but directly across from the outside of the school grounds had arrived at school yet.
When I approached his house, I had no idea what was about to begin during the next moments of my life.

I approached his house, and outside the porch steps were approximately 8 people, including my boy from Brooklyn, one of my people from Jersey who ran track, a member of the RPT click (Rhytmic Pelvic Thrust...yes, you can still be corny in college)....we called the Philly Muskrat.....a dude who looked like a body builder, who I would later learn was a male stripper, my Brooklyn boy's sister, and this woman I couldn't take my eyes off. She had on AKA shorts and pink tank top.....her calves had to be the tightest biggest calves I had ever seen, she was about 5'7", had a face that was just pulling me toward her, her stomach was non existent and I could only imagine what she felt like to the touch, as I was eyeing her, I started gripping up everyone I knew....all of them surprised to see me roll up because most of our friends were actually in Virginia Beach....the girl who is catching my attention goes up to 2 different guys asking "Do you have a girlfriend"...where there answers were yes, and when she walked up to me saying "Do you have a girlfriend"...I surely looked her dead in her eyes and said without hesitation "Nope"....

Our eyes looked at that moment, and despite an obvious level of intoxication there was a connection neither of us had a clue where it would lead. We went up to the porch and started talking.....she had just graduated from an Ivy League school....(which impressed me at the time)...I was in my junior year.....she didn't have a boyfriend..and I couldn't take my eyes of her sexxxxxy ass legs......those calfs mesmerizing me. We went upstairs.....were she had some more to drink , and I began my spiral into the land of inebriation.....gulping down some concoction of unknown amounts of pure alchohol diluted solely by the flavor of some type of fruit juice splashed in with it.

The more we spoke...the closer we started getting to each other.....the musclebound guy keeps checking in on us, by this time, every chance I get my hand is touching her leg...her arm....our eye contact is unbroken.......then the group decides we aren't going to Virginia Beach, but we'll go to this party that was about 10 minutes away from campus. By the time we get to the party, my alchohol comsumption has brought me to the point where my only reality is where this woman is...and how on earth am I going to find my way into her pants. We all get out of different cars and stand outside the entrance of the party where there has to be about 150 people milling around either waiting to get in, or just talking if they haven't seen their friends in such a long time.

As I got out of my car, I went over to her, wrapped my arm around her waist, and we were talking about who knows what...and it felt as if we had known each other all our lives. I had her laughing a mile a minute, and I felt so comfortable, that I didn't even mind the recklessness of being seen so close to her in such a public forum. As I turned around to talk to one of my friends, a brother from the fraternity Alpha Phi Alpha approached her and started talking to her. Behind him had to be at least 15-20 of his frat brothers. I gritted on him...and put my arm back around her..mindless of whether or not it was something she minded. As the Alpha stepped off, I pulled her to me...looked deep in my eyes, and in that moment it was clear that both of us knew exactly what was going to happen that night.

Since it was so crowded outside, our entire group decided we would continue our own little party back at the house. She was leaning into me and as I was walking her back to her car.....she stepped into a hole neither of us saw...and she twisted her ankle. Now she was forced to lean on my shoulder...her arm wrapped all the way around me.....I felt her breasts heaving as she leaned into me for dear life, all 165 pounds of her on my 150 pound 6'2" frame. I got her back to her car...and went back to my ride..thinking to myself.."Damn kid...you definitely ain't getting any tonight".

When we got back to the house......she struggled all the way up the stairs to the third floor (making it about six flights of steps).....llaughing and crying alternatively....as soon as we got into the room we had left....and I closed the door...she pulled me to her..and I immediatly pressed my parted lips against her as her tongue started to probe my mouth. Her body was pressed firmly against mine..her nipples growing harder and harder as her hands ran up and down my back....my arm wrapped around her waist pulling her into me as if we could merge into one complete person. Our tongues began to flirt with each other until they erupted into a dance all their own.......flickering and pressing against the other.....until we were almost out of breath...literally breathing into each other. I whispered to her "let's go downstairs".....and she leaned on me again...and said "I think I can make it"

A gift

Yesterday, I was given the gift of a new start. I am finally able to start from zero....from nothing...and create my life for myself. Later today I will start the story portion of my blog....ahhh...the fact or fiction....only I will know...and anyone who ever cares to read this......will guess...which is fact and which is fantasy.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's interesting because when I took the Landmark Forum.....I felt sooooooooo...free...and then that feeling went away. And do you know why? Because....I didn't change...as long and as consistently as I should. I am seeking to train my mind to live in "The Now". not the past...not the future..not someone else's past...or someone elses future. Mine...all....mine.

It's funny when you figure out that you had the right idea a long time ago, you just needed to hone it. The phrase "It's all about No Rib" was coined when I was in high school, into college. Well...it is..and it's not. It's all about me...what I choose to do and then be COMFORTABLE with that. I challenge myself...to create my own integrity. To enter into a world where whatever I choose to do is fine with me, and when I make a mistake.....and realize it's a mistake....I immediately get over it and move forward.

The world is a beautiful place....my productivity can be unmatched. I have a lot......inside of me that I will achieve......and I still have a desire...that will be fulfilled.

Time is an illusion.....so waiting truly becomes a matter of perspective. Waiting for what? For someone else to.....like you, to hold you, to have sex with you?
Waiting..for that job, for that car, for that tv, for that new table set, for that check to come through, for that opportunity to present itself....that is ....foolish. I miss out on life when I spend so much of it waiting.

I live.....I am alive.....I am here NOW. And I will enjoy my now..this very moment..as I type these words....I feel happiness....in this moment....as well as my future. I choose to enjoy my future.....I choose to enjoy my reality. Through my choices...I have altered my reality in such a huge way...and yet it wasn't that hard...why couldn't I see it?

I had 2 cases which were hanging over my head...and by removing them, I have suddenly released myself. Was it that hard to see? I could have done that a long time ago. The key is to...retrain my thinking....don't do the same old things all the time......(do the new old things all the time LOL :)........so I am excited....

My next post...starts.....the stories. I know one thing, I LOVE my stories......ahhhh.....to remain in the past even as you enjoy the moment....but I can learn...from both fact and fiction.....from being bold and shy at the same time :).

I am thankful for my gift...and I vow not to return to the place I was...and enjoy wherever I may go....but for now....I...breathe.....easy