I hate it here

I hate it here. It's cold and it's dark and it's lonely. I lie in the bed of my choices and I suffer with the repercussions of my actions. I hate it here. The pain burns on and on and on and it doesn't go away, it fills my every thought, every moment I spend waking..and the dreams...the dreams. I know this is a good thing. I know this has to be done. How could I not see the signs? How could I be so blind? It burns and burns and burns, and no one can help me, no one CAN be there for me, whether they want to or not. How can an illusion be developed to the point where it traps you in a cage that you found yourself before...and know you can endure..every moment, every step, every single movement you need to make to get yourself out of this place and space....to become bigger, better and stronger than you ever were. Why does it have to happen like this? Why does life dictate that you be tested...in the areas you love to dwell?

I am strong. I will become stronger. I will be better than even my imagination can conceive. But for now...I hate it here.

And it goes on and on

So I start to do some of the things I want to do. Why are some of the answers so easy...and others are not.

I know what I'm running from
I remember once more..(as if I really ever forgot) what makes me..tick...what makes me the way I am when things go well..when I feel like I'm on top of the world

How much longer do you feel the self inflicted pain of frustration by not doing whatever it is that you want to (lose weight..or in my case tone yourself up....stop thinking about negativity....or in my case...stop thinking about negativity over and over and over and over again)

Things hurt. A lot. Tell me..which is truly better? To freeze up and go cold...not let anything bother you inside so that you never feel this way again...or to become love....to open yourself up so much that you embrace everything that you choose and sometimes don't choose to come into your life?

I think the darkness is safety. I think the light is harder. I know that I feel a lot of pain and frustration right now.

Pain-Three Days Grace

Pain
Without love
Pain
I can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause I'de rather feel pain than nothing at all

Your sick
Of feelig numb
You're not
The only one
I'll take
You by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life
Is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me
And take my hand
When the lights go out
You'll understand

Pain
Without love
Pain
Can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause I'de rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain
Without love
Pain
Can't get enough
I like it rough
'Cause I'de rather feel pain
Than nothing at all

Anger
And agony
Are better
Than misery
Trust me
I've got a plan
When the lights go out
You'll understand

Pain
Without love
Pain
Can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause I'de rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain
Without love
Pain
Can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause Ide rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know I know I know I know
I know
That you're wounded
You know you know you know you know
That I'm here to save you
You know You know You know
I'm always here for you
That you'll thank me later

Pain
Without love
Pain
Can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause I'de rather feel pain
Than nothing at all