How you live your life

How many times can you think to yourself....you are truly going to change? You will take those baby steps one by one...and start that journey you have been looking forward to for so long? How long does it take? Exactly what does it take? Are you truly a person of extremes that lives between the boiling hot place and the frigid cold? Do you have to have a medium? Is it even good for you? What is it that frustrates you in certain areas....and allows you to accomplish things with ease in others? What is it that prevents you from operating at at least 80 percent of your capacity? Is that asking too much of you? I don't think so.....so when will it happen? Is it now? What is it about? Is it consistency? Is it the end results? Sit down and have a long long talk with yourself...one thing is clear...you have to move out of THIS space..and the sooner...the better :)

More Pain

I know this place
I know it well
It rips through every vein and pore of my body
It's my own intense personal hell
It forces the tears from my eyes in places that nobody sees
It forces every ounce of strength from my being
And breaks me while I'm on my knees
It's the denial of the wants that my mind thinks I desire
It's the refusal of another to do the things that would tell me they admire
My presence
My being
Making me the man that's worth seeing
Showing me how much of a priority they are in my life
I am now consumed with the thoughts of conflict and strife
I hate it here
It's cold dark and lonely
No one can help my fears
And it seems that the only
Thing I can do at this moment is vent through these words
Stare in the mirror and think to myself about how absurd
It is when I view these events in the eyes of logic
There is none of that now, I continue to scream
As I can't even make myself the promise
That I will never be here again
Sometimes I think it's only a matter of when
I return to this place
And articulate this space
But for now my pain
Is the only thing that remains
As the foremost thought...
In my weak ass brain