So the week concludes and...

I'm still at the beginning. I still have these fits of jealousy....which make no sense to me. I'm still trying to reprogram my mind and get out of the throes of my own addictions and selfishness. And if I were outside of myself, I would say what my father used to say "Just get over it. Just get past it" And yet it's not that easy. I know that I feel sooooo much more fulfilled when I accomplish any small goal that I set out for myself (I excercised every day this week, that's a good thing). The more I accomplish...the freeer I am. But I still have sooooo much farther to go.

Why do we ever concern ourselves with the way someone ELSE feels about us? I mean...in reality why should it affect our moods...our lives? If things are going well with my wife, then everything is fine for me. If things are not....it throws my entire day/week out of whack. Not a good look. I mean, we are human, and when we choose to share something together.....opening up affects us. That is a reality no matter how much we pretend it doesn't. Unless you have reached a level of true enlightenment. And..truth be told, I should be enjoying that path itself. I mean....isn't that what it's about? Enjoying our journey as we take it?

Anyway....there are still steps that I need to take....to get to where I want to go. Community Service. Writing on a daily basis. Clearing out my backlog in my schedule. I mean in reality those are the only things. And yet....why do they seem sooooo huge? I really don't know. OK, well I do..it's all in my mind. And that's why the thought recreation process is where I am trying to go. I guess...when I boil it down...for me, it's still all about STRENGTH.