Where am I?
Similar to any attempt I have ever made to keep a diary, I update my blog periodically....ummmm......with infrequency LOL :). I am wondering....where am I? What space is this? For the first time in my life, I really don't WANT anything. I mean, I am thinking about how much of my life has been spent aspiring to obtain something material. Despite my attempts to deny the same :) The first house...a car...then a better car. Then the next better toy....the next Palm, the next Blackberry, the next Ipod.
And for the first time...in recent months (yes, even since I started writing this)..I realize I want nothing. It should be in my birthday post......what I really enjoy...for the first time........is the company of friends. Nothing more. Everything else is nice...but....doesn't hold what it did.
Yet I still find myself worried about generating money. Where will my practice go? How can I ensure that I am creating a regular flow of money......and where do I want to go with that?
And to top it all off..in the relationship department.......WOW>.....what do I even say?
The topic of divorce is often discussed between the wife and I. Not in any form of animosity or anything truly impending....but when both of you believe that if you knew what you know now....neither of you would have gotten married......what does that mean?
Passion.....ahhhhh.....to taste it....to anticipate it........to remember how you enjoyed it......to savor the remnants of it's echoes in your head.......why does it always come with strings attached?
I had a deep conversation with a friend of mine (Theron) well, I don't know if it was DEEP, but it was surely LONG LOL>.......about controlling how you think, which then controls your emotions. And all I strive to do is eliminate the negative emotions. The stress, the anger......oh..the anger.....how do I like it sometimes...and yet how do I hate it? But even worse is the pain......that pain that turns me into the Drama King (the strongest finisher in the building...for you Hot 97 listeners LOL :)........the pain that I feel which rips me apart then inspires my poetry. I don't want it....but do I need it? Do we continuously seek that "next" experience..not even with a different person per se, but that next moment of joy..that next moment of laughter...that next moment of magic...which makes us feel so alive? Why can't we just create that at will? But then if we did that, would we enjoy.......life the same way? I'm so glad I can ramble on my blog...but this will come to an end for now. And what would a ramble be without a poetic rant and ramble as well?
I love you
I need you
I miss you
And yet....
I know not what you think
I FEEL something in the air
And I don't know what it is...
I vaguely recognize it....
From my memories of others....
Who have long been gone from the reality of my life
But their memories have been used to alleviate my strife
To enjoy the stolen moments of peace
And the reality of passion
In it's very definition
Could this be created...
With anyone we choose?
And if that is so
Why don't we chose another?
All I know is that...
I...
Want....
You
And for the first time...in recent months (yes, even since I started writing this)..I realize I want nothing. It should be in my birthday post......what I really enjoy...for the first time........is the company of friends. Nothing more. Everything else is nice...but....doesn't hold what it did.
Yet I still find myself worried about generating money. Where will my practice go? How can I ensure that I am creating a regular flow of money......and where do I want to go with that?
And to top it all off..in the relationship department.......WOW>.....what do I even say?
The topic of divorce is often discussed between the wife and I. Not in any form of animosity or anything truly impending....but when both of you believe that if you knew what you know now....neither of you would have gotten married......what does that mean?
Passion.....ahhhhh.....to taste it....to anticipate it........to remember how you enjoyed it......to savor the remnants of it's echoes in your head.......why does it always come with strings attached?
I had a deep conversation with a friend of mine (Theron) well, I don't know if it was DEEP, but it was surely LONG LOL>.......about controlling how you think, which then controls your emotions. And all I strive to do is eliminate the negative emotions. The stress, the anger......oh..the anger.....how do I like it sometimes...and yet how do I hate it? But even worse is the pain......that pain that turns me into the Drama King (the strongest finisher in the building...for you Hot 97 listeners LOL :)........the pain that I feel which rips me apart then inspires my poetry. I don't want it....but do I need it? Do we continuously seek that "next" experience..not even with a different person per se, but that next moment of joy..that next moment of laughter...that next moment of magic...which makes us feel so alive? Why can't we just create that at will? But then if we did that, would we enjoy.......life the same way? I'm so glad I can ramble on my blog...but this will come to an end for now. And what would a ramble be without a poetic rant and ramble as well?
I love you
I need you
I miss you
And yet....
I know not what you think
I FEEL something in the air
And I don't know what it is...
I vaguely recognize it....
From my memories of others....
Who have long been gone from the reality of my life
But their memories have been used to alleviate my strife
To enjoy the stolen moments of peace
And the reality of passion
In it's very definition
Could this be created...
With anyone we choose?
And if that is so
Why don't we chose another?
All I know is that...
I...
Want....
You
posted by NoRib at 8:16 AM
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